Excuses! Are You Making Them For Your Child?

How serious are you about helping your child to pass all exams including the famous and popular 11-Plus exams?

More than likely, the fact that you’re reading this shows that, you are interested in finding out all you can to make sure your child gets ahead in his or her preparation for the eleven plus exams.  If we are going to be very honest here, most of us know that, whatever venture you decide to pursue, a lot of sacrifice and hard work is going to be involved, if you expect to succeed at whatever it is you want to do.

There’s a price tag on everything; there is a price to pay for everything.  Everybody knows that, if we’re willing to face realities, nothing comes free.  And so it goes without saying that, in order to succeed in whatever your desire is, you’re going to have to make some investments.

Let’s say you are a parent and your child is in Year 5 and you’ve made arrangements for the child to start the 11-Plus programme with a private tutor.  You know your child is academically very able and the chances of your child passing the exams are realistically quite high.

You have every reason to motivate and encourage your child; you have every reason to hope that your child will make it; you have every reason to expect the best from your child; you have every reason to give it all you have to make sure that yours is a success story.  But what is stopping you?

Why do you find yourself making excuses, giving your child reasons for not keeping up with his or her work?  Why do you allow yourself to believe the excuses as if there were no solutions to the problems you have?  Why are you ready to give up on all the hopes you had for your child without a fight?  Where is the hunger? Where is the desire?

Where are the dreams to see your child gaining admission into a Grammar school and eventually graduating with a first class Honours degree? Isn’t this the dream of every parent?  Do we not all desire the best for our children? Yet, you’re ready to throw it all away?

Bless children.  They are our heritage, precious gifts from God but children need a lot of guidance and support.  If you have enrolled your child in the 11-Plus programme, then I am sure you have been very clearly and, in no uncertain terms, been advised by the tutor concerning the level of commitment, effort and practice involved to achieve success in the exams.  You were clearly told about the time commitment involved in the process.

Passing the 11-Plus is not a stroll down Park Avenue.  It is hard work.  It’s determination to support your child even if you don’t feel like doing it.  It is making yourself available and accessible whenever your child needs you.  You are the pillar on which your child will stand.  You are the vessel from which your child will draw strength and support.  You are the shoulder to cry on… because yes, there will be a lot of tears.

I am going to keep this short and straight to the point.  You either want your child in a Grammar school or you don’t.  If you do, then you’re going to have to start putting some seriousness into your commitment.  You’re going to have to start taking control of the whole situation and start playing the role of the responsible adult who desires for your child to do well in all his or her exams.

You can’t want something and keep giving excuses why you can’t do it.  That’s just not going to work.  Taking control of your child’s learning is where the whole process begins.  You can’t keep using the fact that you have to go to work or that you work full time, as an excuse!  Come on! Get a life!  You are blessed to have a job.

Be the role model for your child.  I am not saying you should be a super Mum or a super Dad.  Simply take control and begin to direct things the way you want them to go.  Do the best you can.  At least do something and let go of all the excuses.

Let me give you a few strategies that I believe will help you to start implementing some changes and seeing positive results in your child’s preparation for the 11-Plus exams.

I know this post is mainly geared towards children who want to get into a Grammar school and are currently preparing to sit the eleven plus exams but the strategies I am going to share with you will equally apply to children at all levels of compulsory education.  The first thing we are going to talk about is:

1. Take control of your child’s education and learning – you are the parent and you are in charge.

It’s your God given responsibility and no one is going to do it for you.  The sooner you realise this, the easier life will be.  You can’t depend on the class teacher or the tutor you hired.  Sure, teachers play a very important role in the life of our children and impart great knowledge and skills to them, but they can only do so much.  Get involved if you want a success story for your child.

2.Design a revision timetable that the children can follow after school and on weekends.

The timetable has to work with all the other activities that the family is involved in and make sure the expectations are reasonable and achievable.  There is no point planning a routine for your child that you know is next to impossible to achieve.  Be reasonable and be fair.  Remember, you’re working with children and the routine you come up with should have recreational time and time to relax and ‘chill out’ built into it.

3. Develop good communicate skills with your children and create an eager desire in them to become great achievers.

How do you do this?  Talk to your children.  Have regular conversations and I said conversations, not arguments or moaning or shouting at them. Become interested in what matters to them. Allow them to talk and listen to what they are saying.  Let them see why it is important for them to get good grades in school.

Allow them to see situations where people who were serious in school and in their work ended up securing the best jobs, earning the most and having longer holiday entitlements.  These are just a few examples.  I am sure you can think of many other things to tell your child.

On the flip side, allow them to also see situations where people who failed to do their best in school ended up…for example, doing manual labour, earning minimum wage and so on.  I’ll let you decide what to show them.  Make sure you listen to whatever viewpoints they have about both situations. This is effective communication.  Don’t be the only one dripping all over them with your own viewpoints, and totally disregarding theirs.  Listen to them and they will thank you for it.

4. Reward your children for excellent effort and achievement in their work, both in school and at home.

Note here that I am not saying your child has to be the best in his or her school.  As long as your child is doing the best they can and they strive all the time to improve and be the best they can, it is important that you acknowledge this and reward them once in a while.  Make a huge fuss when they get an achievement or effort certificate in school.

Surprise them with a gift – money, trip to wherever, or whatever you deem fit for the occasion. Typically, as parents, we are so quick to criticise. From now on, go easy on the criticism and celebrate their achievements.  Works miracles.  Try it!

5. Become your child’s friend.

I know this may be a bit difficult for most of us to do and may also at first appear to be contradictory.  After all, we are the parents and the first strategy I mentioned was for you as the parent to be in control.  But let’s give this a little thought.  Why do you think most children, teenagers in particular prefer to confide in their friends and not their parents?

Children need to know that their parents value what they say and will take their conversations and viewpoints seriously.  If you can find a way to become your child’s confidant, they will achieve better because they will open up to you and share all their concerns and problems with you.  And we all know the saying,  ‘a problem shared is a problem solved’ right?  Need I say more?

6. Become your child’s number one supporter. 

Believe in your children and they’ll believe in themselves. Let’s face it.  We all need someone to encourage us from time to time, don’t we? Well I know I do!  If your child can count on you to support him and be there for him or her no matter what happens, no matter what the outcome of an exam or event is, then things can only get better for both of you.

And the positive atmosphere this support creates results in your child becoming more confident in his or her own abilities.  Children thrive on the support and love of their parents and when they know Mum and Dad are on their side, they will go out there and achieve their very best.

As parents, all of the strategies I listed above are not new to us.  And as is the case, most of us know exactly what to do when we have a desire to achieve something great in our lives.  In this case, it is all about our children and I said it earlier;  all of us want the best for our children but in order for this to happen, we are going to have to be ready to put aside our excuses and give our full support to our children.

It’s not hard to do.  It’s simply a matter of a few simple disciplines practised every day.  This consistent daily practice then sets into motion a great habit and then the MAGIC begins to happen.

Let the magic begin for your child today. God bless.

To the success of your child.